Really excited to have two jobs next month. I will be face painting at the Cloverdale Citrus festival this Saturday from 1p to 5p.
October 30th I have a birthday party with a theme from Nightmare before Christmas. Sounds like tons of fun.
Life is good. My health is good. I’m sleeping better although I’m taking sleeping aids. Nothing addictive.
Looking forward to the rest of the year.
Hello my friends. It has been a struggle to stay away from dairy and eggs but when I read about how animals are treated it becomes easier. So when I weaken I will hop on YouTube or reread my many books to inspire myself.
There are some great vegan cooks on YouTube. A couple are Chef Jana and wholefoodplantbased cooking show. There are many more but these are my favorites.
I hope you all have a great weekend.
Not sure if I can post paintings and drawings here. Since the pandemic I have branched out to paint, draw, you name it I tried it. Being retired and in the pandemic I have a lot of free time. I am on Instagram under my name or you could probably find me under Paula Moors balloon artist.
Here’s a few recent ones:
I forgot I had this blog. I was just thinking about starting one and up popped this one. A lot has happened. I’m a recovering alcoholic. 5 months sober and feeling pretty good. It’s a long story and Inthink I’ll post some of it from when I was in rehab.
always thought my rock bottom would be me homeless pushing a shopping cart with my cat, Ana, and me with a bottle of wine wrapped up in a brown paper bag. I was wrong; my rock bottom came over the weekend. I have fought depression all my life and because of my spiritual beliefs I managed to fight it.
I forgot about this Saturday night. I was really low and I’m sure the drinking didn’t help. I decided that it was time. I wanted a do over. I wanted to erase all the mistakes I had made as a mother, a woman. I couldn’t go back in time and fix anything so... I believe in reincarnation, that means if you commit suicide you have to comeback and go through it again only worse. This has always stopped me but I forgot this last weekend. Part one decided I wanted a do over so I thought the best way to do this was to kill myself. This is the story of part of my life. Obviously I failed.
Part one:
I researched a pill I had to see if this would do the job. Lo and behold it does. So I took three good size hand fulls and and a long with a good size bottle of wine I said good bye to my world.
unfortunately the universe had other plans because around 2:00 am I woke up much to my dismay.. WTF hey what happened?? I was bummed but also I was sober and kind of glad that it didn’t work so I got up and was so dizzy I couldn’t walk. I went back to bed for a couple hours and then managed to get up and walk, very unsteady..It was my turn to do the wipe down (disinfecting the rails etc. of my community. ) I did that very carefully, hoping that movement would help help rid of the medication.
It did help but I wondered if there was something I could do to get rid of the medication in my body so I called the advice nurse..BIG MISTAKE!!!
When I told her what happened she said she needed to talk to a doctor, LIES!! I live off the street and pretty soon I saw the flashing lights of fire trucks and the emts. Fuck.. “Did you call an ambulance?” Yes, she said..bummer
They came, they saw and they took me to emergency. I was a 5150 which meant attempted suicide.
Part two :
Life in the emergency room. They were all very nice. Took my vitals and blood and urine. Which all came out fine. I was under 24 hour watch so there was always a security guard in front of my room. Really nice people. The first was a woman and I invited her to pull up a chair and chat. All they do is sit for hours, how boring is that? So we exchanged life stories and this went for 24 hours with all the security guards and I got the reputation of being a really nice woman. I would show them pictures of my cat and my art which they oohed and awed over; they were all so nice I really enjoyed my stay there. They managed to have Amy’s frozen dinners so I was given my vegan lunch and dinner. The conversations I had with the guards and counselor gave me hope that maybe I wasn’t such a fuck up after all.
My conversations with the counselor and psychiatrist were interesting. My counselor asked if I had a support system and if so why didn’t I call her? My oldest daughter is my support system. She has always been there no matter what and I knew she would be upset that I didn’t call her. First I didn’t want to burden her with my problems. She has enough in her life without my stuff, also I was ashamed to cause her this pain. My counselor told me that by not telling her it would cause her more distress, so I decided I would tell her, hopefully in person. But because of the pandemic no visitors were allowed.
I told them that I thought it would be a big help if I could just get away from alcohol for a couple of days. WHAT WAS I THINKING!!??
I spent a very uncomfortable night in the emergency room while waiting for a bed in a rehab center. Monitors were going off all night. People being admitted were screaming and the security guards next door giggled all night.
Alas a bed came up in a rehab center about an hour away...stay tune for part three.
Part three: After spending the night in ER the emts came to transport me to a rehab facility. Mine you I had no idea what I was in for. I have never had any unlawful situations with the law. I never had a DUI; I was a highly functional alcoholic.
I was brought in and everything was taken from me. iPhone, iPad, hard back books all the clothes I had in ER. I fought with them about my phone and nearly threw it at them, but I didn’t.
I was taken to my room and left to adjust. One bed and one table. Bars on the windows. People shuffling up and down the halls, some talking to themselves. I finally called my daughter and as gently as possible told her I tried to kill myself. I told her I was desperate to get out of there. She said do what they say, be nice, go to all meetings and participate. So I guess throwing my phone was out.
My three days were up Tuesday so I was hoping for a quit exit. This was Sunday. I told them my dietary needs, gluten free and vegan. Dinner was beans which was fine. I know it’s not easy trying to deal with restrictive diets but this is the way it is.
For breakfast they gave me Cheerios and vanilla soy milk, yuk. I walked away and just had coffee. For lunch I think I had rice and beans and canned peaches, okay I can live with that. Dinner was more beans. I don’t really remember the rest of the food but I decided to switch to vegetarian. I still got the dry cereal with vanilla soy milk, bleh. Hallelujah dinner was grilled cheese and tomato soup! I was in heaven. I thanked them profusely. Breakfast was the same, don’t ask me why. Needless to say I lost five pounds which was a good thing.
Because of some glitch I couldn’t go home Wednesday. Whatever...oh the nights were not special. The bathroom light was on and the fan ran 24/7, fun times. The nurses did bed checks literally every fifteen minutes.
I met a lady that lives in a near by town. We talked for hours and it helped pass the time. I hope we can hook up when she gets out.. I’m not sure but I think she was addicted to drugs.
Tuesday night I got a new roommate so I was able to fill her in on all the rules that would help her survive. We got close and I gave her my contact information in case.
She was a cutter, scary. She accidentally cut herself too deep and ended up in rehab. In a way I’m glad I stayed longer because I was able to help her through a difficult first day.
We spent Wednesday together until my son-in-law came to get me. I was never so happy to see anyone. My daughter and son in law are so supportive and I just adore him.
This was a very traumatic experience. Being locked up for five days between ER and rehab and they had bars on the window! I have never been so terrified and I am still traumatized. I’m glad I went because I learned a lot but I have so much more respect for the home and blessings that I have. This has been a humbling experience and I will never forget it. All in all it was a humbling experience. I was so happy to get home to my bed and my cat, Ana, I missed her so much. And seven days sober now.
And now after another relapse I am 5 months sober and have no desire to drink. It really is poison for me.
We are still I. The pandemic. I gave up my business and my car. My balloons are perishable so I sold them to a twister friend and gave my car to my youngest grandson daughter.
The last couple of months I’ve had calls for jobs so my neighbor is letting me use her car in exchange for help with tech stuff. It’s good to back.
