Mary and my brother

 My brother moved to Austin Texas and he didn’t bother to tell me. I don’t remember how I found out. I probably did a search on google. We had a really rough child hood and he took it out on me. I have managed to let it go but for some reason he has chosen to forget it and me completely. He is one of the few people left in my immediate family so it hurts. 

And then, I think right before Covid hit my youngest daughter decided to write me off. She was always getting mad at me and I could never quite figure out why. I think my oldest would try to reason with her and she would forgive me for what I’m not sure but finally she couldn’t take it anymore and wrote me off completely. Heaven knows I wasn’t the best mother. I married three times. The only reason I married my second two was so I would have financial stability and a father figure. Ha! What a joke that was. Turned out my first husband was a pedophile. My second was a control freak and when he wanted Mary to follow his very strict rules I said no. He said then get out, so we did. Then my third husband, geesh, it just kept getting worse. He was a gambler and he raped me. I know can you rape a wife? after what he did? yes you can. Screw marriage I’ve been single ever since. That was mid 90’s. Long story short; I moved back up to Northern California from San Diego. It was okay both my children were happy and really that was all that mattered.  It was also a relief that they were okay. So here it is 2026. Mary hasn’t spoken to me in around six years. One day in 2021 I think, I thought if I could just go back and do a do over maybe I could be a better mother. I believe in reincarnation. So I thought I would try to kill myself and come back as super mom. I just happened to have a prescription for a pain pill and I had a lot so I researched it and sure enough I could do myself in successfully. So with those pills and a bottle of wine I was ready. I even left a note. “I’m going to be a better mom now”. 

Dammit I woke up and felt really strange so I called the advice nurse and said how do I get these pills out of my system. She said something like uh why did you take them? I made up something but she didn’t buy it and then I heard sirens. Shit did you call the EMTS? She said, sorry we have to. To make a long story again I was in rehab for a week. Hell! It was a locked facility! Okay that didn’t work. So for the next 5 years or so I tried to move on. The only thing that saved me was my oldest daughter. She is completely different from Mary. She has always supported me, especially in my efforts to stop drinking, oh yeah that’s my prescription for getting past all my mistakes or maybe it was another way of doing my self in. No matter how hard I try I always break down on her birthday and get drunk.

This is the first time I haven’t. Maybe because I still have my oldest daughter. She has been my angel. She loves unconditionally, me, and her children..she’s awesome. I think I realized sometime ago that she was reason enough to keep going and to stay sober so here I am one beautiful daughter and two grandchildren that still speak to me whom I love dearly.

It’s enough..I can do this..

God bless all of whoever reads this.

 When I was around fifty my daughter was trying to find entertainment for my grandson’s 5th birthday party. She was trying to hire a clown. She called the ones In The phone book (you remember that right?) they charged $150 and they were all booked. I’m always looking for a way to make more money so she called me and said”Mom, I have the perfect side business for you” all I had to do was make a clown outfit and learn how to make balloon animals in 2 weeks!! a I don’t recall ever saying no to my daughter or my grandson for that matter but I did it. I went online and bought a vcr for balloons 101 and made a clown outfit out of 100% polyester (big mistake)

I have never had so much fun in all my life and I cannot tell you how much joy I have had over the following 20 years. 

I have had a lot of jobs and businesses over my life but this is the one I miss the most. 

Watching the smiles of the children and even the parents was so rewarding. If I could do it again I would but old age creeps up on you ànd my tired hands just can’t do it anymore but gosh I miss it. Thank you Leah Shanahan Reed for introducing me to the most enjoyable time of my life. Besides your birth of course. (😇)

 We spent one night at the empire rest stop on 101 North. Ana cried the whole time I was driving. I did pull over and try to comfort her and she was quiet for a while but she was not happy. She was fine when we weren’t moving but as soon as we started up again she was miserable. I did sleep well so that was good. She didn’t drink any water and that bothered me. When I woke she ate a lot which was good but still no water. I took off for Eureka but I felt strongly that she was not going to be a traveling cat so when I got to Eureka I gassed up and turned around to head home.

I think I failed to mention that when we first left Petaluma she was in her “no escape” harness so I felt pretty good about her safety. However about five seconds after I took off she was out of it and all over the car.  When we were on our way to Eureka we had a long talk. She said “take me home, and never put me in a car again”.😩

I didn’t want to give up on my road trips, after all I am 79 and I have no idea how much time I have left but I also know that Ana will be happier alone at home than with me in my car.

The gas!! $6.59 a gallon. Really bad planning on my part.

Oh well June I’m getting my oil changed and hopefully I will be able to take another road trip. I’m thinking south along the coast this time. Monterey and Santa Cruz.

I did get my annual National parking pass so that will come in handy.

Until next time.

On the road again…

 My car is almost ready. Ana doesn't know it yet but she is too. I have an order coming in tomorrow that I need for my trip then I am on my way.

 My back seats have been removed and my cot came yesterday. I know I need to rearrange but that will probably happen more than once, knowing me. Ana was not fond of her second harness so the third one is coming today, fingers crossed. My plan is to take to the road next Sunday. Shooting for overnight but if it goes well I may keep going.

See ya!

 Good morning, still getting my car ready for my big adventure. Ana’s first harness looked very uncomfortable so I returned it and got a softer version. I guess I will remove my back seats myself today so stand by. I also found a shorter cot on Walmart that should fit in my car so I ordered it. I’m getting antsy to go. I’m 79; not sure why I waited so long To do this. But I’m doing this. My ultimate goal is Alaska. it’s okay if it takes me a year to get there. What else would I be doing? Nothing; sitting in my apartment waiting to die. Ana has Aids. Maybe she needs an adventure, maybe she doesn’t want to sit in her apartment waiting to die. Let’s do this Ana, Alaska here we come!!

Taking my cat, Ana, car camping

 A couple of nights ago I took Ana out to my car for a couple of hours. At first she was all over the car checking it out. She found her food right away and started eating. She also found her covered litter box and used it, yay!! I crawled up and lay down on my bed and she sat in her litter box! “Ana, come up here”, and she did. She stretched out next to me and for an hour, I swear she didn’t even blink. I’m thinking she wasn’t sure what was going to happen next. Then I said, okay let’s go home and put her crate out. She jumped in and we went home.

I got my car refrigerator yesterday and it’s pretty cool.i just need a good power supply for when I shut off my car; otherwise it will run on my car battery when I’m driving.

I’m also looking into some solar panels.

I was wondering how to secure Ana when I’m driving and also if I’m outside my car cooking where do I put her? I found this clear back pack for animals so she can see everything and yet she’ll be safe. It will come on Saturday. As soon as I figure out how to post photos I will.

A little history on Ana. She is around 8 years old. I found her at Pet food express on their adoption day. I think it was fate. My middle name is Ann and my clown name was SunshineAnnie. She also has felineHIV. But she is very healthy. We are super close.

I will research how to post photos so I can show you her new crate.